Random Musing About My Life in Ghana

We’ve been living in Ghana for two years and four months, but who’s counting?? Ever since my accident, I’ve found living in Accra a little more challenging. I’ve thought about this a lot, because nothing has dramatically changed in terms of living conditions, although Dave seems to be working even more than ever, which I never thought would be possible. So, after putting much thought into it, I’ve decided that what is getting to me is two-fold; loneliness and the uncertain future.

When I was laid up, there were so few things for me to do. Even working was cumbersome with a cast.  Exercise has always been my lifeline to sanity. Even during some of my worst days, if I could just exert a little energy, I always felt a bit better. After my ladder incident, my activity level greatly diminished. Doing leg lifts is not what I would call aerobic. They were just little things, but they felt bigger as I could feel the depression setting in. Being in the house all day long by myself, was often torturous. Dave continued to work long hours, and many of my days drug on and on. I encountered small, but frustrating situations. Have you ever tried to shower, do your hair, open a jar, or a number of other trivial tasks with one useful arm/hand?

When we first moved to Accra, I made a concerted effort to keep myself busy. I joined the North American Women’s Association (NAWA), and through that organization joined a small group of women who enjoyed golfing. Through golf I met women who played cards every Friday morning, and I was invited to join their group. I briefly joined a Book Club, because I missed my Elko group so much, and of course, reading is universal. I went to monthly NAWA meetings, not for the content, but rather for the socialization or networking opportunities.

For me, a documented introvert, all of these things (with the exception of golf) take a lot of mental energy. I have no difficulty doing things with those with whom I am comfortable – i.e., going to lunch, the beach, bike riding, etc. Active participation with people I don’t know, is one of my least favorite things to do, but I forced myself to do them in an attempt to get as much out of this experience as possible. I think I have done a pretty decent job of that until recently.

Book Club – I went to four get togethers and just never really felt like I belonged or clicked with anyone. I am probably not the easiest person to get to know, but I did try to contribute to the discussions, receiving very little feedback. Many of these women had been meeting for two years or more, and so they already had an established connection. When we weren’t discussing the book, I was sort of lost, as they would discuss things they had been doing together or people that I didn’t know. I can’t remember one person asking me about myself.

Cards – I have to begin by saying that all of the women were very, very nice. I was welcomed into the homes of many women, and since I actually enjoy playing cards, I was happy to learn a new game. However, just as in Book Club, I never established a connection with anyone. Many of the women were either from Europe or South Africa. A number of them socialized outside of the card group, primarily because their husbands worked either at the same company or, at the very least, in the same industry (predominately oil).

One Friday I was waiting for Michael to come get me. The remaining three or four women were discussing a new movie showing at the theatre, and made a date with each other for the following week. I just stood there, sort of waiting for an invitation, but none was forthcoming. I knew then that this wasn’t really the group for me, but I continued going for several months because I was desperate for company. I even hosted a Friday game once. I gave this group a full year before I finally decided that it was time to find something else to do. I sent an email to all of the women, thanking them for teaching me the game and their kind hospitality. Not one person responded to my email. Not one. So, I guess I made the right decision.

To be honest, I don’t think any of these ladies are unkind. Rather, I believe that they are experienced expats who can’t relate to what it’s like to be a “rookie expat.” I guess one could argue that I’m also no longer a rookie, but many of these women have lived their entire lives overseas as an expat, and so they have learned, or are just naturally capable, to survive – and being social is one of the most important survival skills.

Through golf I also met my friend, Tanya, who introduced me to the Boot Camp world. While I was cussing her under my breath, during our hour and a half together, I secretly looked forward to going to her house once a week. Not only did I participate in one of the most challenging workouts of my life, but I was surrounded by other campers….and we had something in common. When I got hurt, Tanya continued to reach out to me – checking on me, inviting me to lunch. I greatly appreciate her friendship. But, as I was sitting there all banged up, I just wondered if I would ever be able to get back to her class. In fact, even Tanya wondered as she suggested she refund my money for the unused sessions. I quickly told her no, and that I had to have something to work for.

My stepdaughter is in a similar position. She gave up her teaching position to follow her husband across the country to Philadelphia where he is enrolled in a three-year veterinarian residency program at the University of Penn. She has chosen to stay home with her children, and like many young mothers, she’s finding it tricky to find a balance. I get that. You want to support your husband, but you can’t lose yourself. A person has to feel wanted and valued. I’m fortunate, as I maintain a contract with the school district, so I do have a few hours daily where I am mentally stimulated. We are both in the last year of our three year commitments, and looking forward to what is next.

I think what I miss the most about a job is the daily interaction with people, which I find strangely peculiar, as I am not a real social person. However, going into an office every day is much, much different than working online. Almost exclusively, my interaction with others is virtual. About once a month I skype with one or more of my co-workers, and I always look forward to those sessions.

While we were in the states in June and July, we were asked countless times what we were going to do when Dave’s contract ends in April 2014. As if we weren’t thinking about it enough already, now we had constant reminders, which obviously got us thinking even more. I suppose some feel like we are being coy when we say we don’t know, but it’s the honest truth. We just don’t know. One of the risks of accepting an overseas assignment with Newmont is the uncertainty that comes with it at the end of the contract. The company does not promise the employee a return to their previous position. In fact, the employee is not even guaranteed a job within the organization. We knew and accepted the risk when we made our decision, but now that our time in Africa is coming to a close, that decision seems a bit impulsive.

So, as I sit here feeling sorry for myself, the most important question I’m asking is “how can I make this better?” Intellectually, I know what I must do. I have to continue trying new things, or even repeating experiences. Emotionally, it’s hard to rack up the energy to put forth the effort. However, looking around me, I know there are others who are dealing with events much more difficult than mine, and I need to buck up and make a choice to make things better!

Here are some ideas:

·        Golf. While I’m not fully recovered from my injuries, I golfed twice (although not well) while in Elko. It’s time to get back to it. Unfortunately, the golf course that I (and my fellow golfers) played every Tuesday has closed down, temporarily, for reconstruction. There is a golf course right around the corner from me, so that’s an option.

·        Boot Camp. I will join back up in September when I return from the states. I might not be my old self yet, but at least I can join in on the “fun.”

·        United Way. I reached out to the local United Way back in February to offer my grant writing services. I finally received a response from the executive director while in the states rehabbing. Since I’m doing very little grant writing for the school district (it’s primarily financial functions I’m performing), I’m anxious to actually put my skills back to work.

·        Write. I enjoy writing, and have been encouraged to write a book based on my experiences. I’m not sure that’s what I want to write about, but I will set a goal to write at least twice a week.

·        Friends. If you are reading this blog and thinking….oh man, this lady needs a friend, don’t fret. I have several of them. I just need to do a better job of reaching out to them. I am one who would rather wait for an invitation. Instead, I need to be the inviter from time to time.

·        New stuff. I need to continue trying new things here in Ghana. Once I leave, I suspect I’ll never return, so I need to take advantage of it while we are living in country.

OK, I’m feeling a little better now that I have some written goals. I’ll check back in and let you know how things are going!