A Ghanaian Engagement

I am one lucky woman. I have a housekeeper that comes into my home every single day. I’m pretty sure Dave and I don’t make enough garbage/laundry/mess to keep her busy, but nonetheless, she is there daily. Charity is a single mother of Emmanuel “Akufo” Angong. Charity’s nephew, Evans, also lives with her. I innocently thought that something had happened to Evans’ mother, and that Charity had taken him in. Nope. When Charity delivered Akufo it was decided, by the family evidently, that Evans would come to live with she and Akufo to help. I can’t be 100% sure, but I believe that Evans takes care of Akufo while Charity is at my house (and they aren’t in “school”). Akufo turned three in November and Evans was 13 in October.

That's Evans in the middle and Akufo on the right. Gillian, another one of Charity's nephews I believe, is on the left.

Charity has maintained a relationship with Akufo’s father, Enoch. She told me some time ago that it was necessary that she got married, because in her words, “It is not acceptable for me to be a mother with no husband.” I assured her that it didn’t matter what others thought, and that it was more important that she is happy with her life. In August, Charity informed me that she was going to get engaged in October, but some other things came up and she told me the engagement party had been postponed.

When Dave and I returned to Accra from Puerto Rico, she had left us an invitation to her engagement party. The party was to take place in Mepe in the Volta Region of Ghana on Saturday, January 14th at 9 a.m. PROMPT. I asked Michael what time we should leave the house in order to arrive “promptly” at 9 a.m., and he recommended we leave no later than 7:30 a.m. The drive to the Volta Region was uneventful, and we drove into town around 9:15 a.m. Michael called Charity as he didn’t know exactly where in Mepe we needed to go. As we were driving along, we drove alongside Charity, who was walking alongside the road. Yep. It was 9:15 a.m. and Charity wasn’t even at the house where the ceremony would be held.

Even though I KNEW the party wouldn’t begin at 9 a.m., the American in me simply wouldn’t allow me to be late. What we were about to experience, was a true cultural Ghanaian event.

The engagement party was to be held at the home of Charity’s parents. Since we had plenty of time on our hands prior to the ceremony, we were first taken to the backyard and introduced to several members of Charity’s family. We then were requested to return “inside,” as I think the family felt it was unacceptable for us to be out in the heat. So….back inside we went to sit with all of the others who were promptly in attendance.

After about 30 minutes, Charity came out of the room in which she had been coming and going and told us that one of her brothers, Paul, was going to take us around to some of the sites of Mepe. The first place we visited was the Joy Beach Resort which is located on the banks of the River Volta, and flows from Lake Volta.

Lake Volta is the largest reservoir by surface area in the world, and is the fourth largest by water volume. The river is extremely wide, and the only way to the other side is by canoe. Charity later told me that the village in which she grew up is located directly across from the Joy Beach Resort (off in the distance).

Paul next took us to the Masito Royal Palace, a very popular hotel in Mepe. I’m not sure what made this a special place, but he was very proud to show it off to us!

After our two stops, we travelled back to the house where we waited for at least two hours, We observed people coming in and out of the room off of the area in which Dave and I were located. We basically made observations and enjoyed the cool breeze coming in through the window behind us.

At some point during our two hour wait, Charity came out to assure us that the party would begin soon. Enoch and his family were “on their way coming,” (a common phrase in Ghana). It really has no meaning, to be quite honest. The groom and his family were driving in from Accra (just as Michael, Dave and I did….on time). At about 11:30 a.m. Charity told us that they were close, but that the trotro had blown a tire. Enoch and his family arrived in Mepe at approximately NOON!

Engagement parties in Ghana are basically what Americans consider a wedding. First, the bride’s family enters the room. Charity’s father is quite old and in ill health. As a result, her uncle (father’s brother) represented the family - that’s him in the black and white traditional cloth. Next to him sits her Auntie (father’s sister), her mother, and another Auntie (mother’s sister). The man standing in white was the Master of Ceremonies, Ebeneezer. Yes, folks…Ghanaian engagements require MCs.

The bride’s family was in the room for at least 30 minutes prior to the trotro arriving up with Enoch and his family. After much movement, the groom’s family finally made their entrance with an abundance of singing and chanting. The bride’s family would answer with their own songs. We have no idea what was being sung/said as it was being done so in two tribal languages - Twi and Ewe (air-way). As you can see from the pictures, everyone was dressed in very traditional clothing. As I’m always saying…Ghana is very colorful.

The bride’s family sat on one side of the room, while the groom’s sat on the opposite side. Uncomfortable as it was, Dave and I were basically placed right in between the two families and behind the bride and groom.

To begin the ceremony, the pastor gave an opening prayer. Have you ever been to a bible thumping, hands waving type of ceremony? Well, this was one of those. The pastor was, let’s say, very enthusiastic. His prayer lasted a good 7-8 minutes….again, in a language we could not comprehend and with lots of “Jesus, Jesus,” and “Amens.”

The next step in the engagement process is for the groom’s family to present the bride’s family with predetermined gifts; a dowry, so to speak. Charity had told me earlier in the fall that her family had presented Enoch with a list of items that he would have to give to her family before they would allow him to marry her. Enoch’s sister had the list in her hand, and Dave and I were able to peek. Here are a few of the items:
• 200 cedis for the bride
• 50 cedis for the mother of the bride
• 50 cedis for the father of the bride
• 50 cedis for the brothers (split between her three brothers. The sisters did not receive any money - rip off!)
• Case of minerals (water and soda)
• Case of Guiness (yep…beer - my kind of dowry)
• Two bottles of Schnapps
• Sleepwear, slippers, bras, underwear. (These items were in a suitcase which was taken to a back room where it was opened and gifts confirmed by the women.)
• Bible
• Wedding Ring

Charity told me that Enoch also had to present a goat as a fine for getting her pregnant out of wedlock. I never actually saw the goat, but it might have been in one of the pots that was over a fire out back!

The presentation of the gifts was quite theatrical and took a lot of time. Charity’s family speaks Ewe, while Enoch’s family is from the Ashanti Region and speaks Twi. Ebeneezer and Enoch’s sister (I didn’t catch her name) were the main events. Ebeneezer understood both languages, so after Enoch’s sister would say something, Ebeneezer would then turn and translate for Charity’s family. Fortunately, Michael sat next to Dave and I and was able to translate most of the ceremony for us. His first language is Twi, and while he can’t speak Ewe, he can understand most of what was being said. There was much haggling/joking over the items and encouragement to increase the amounts, in the case of money. During this entire time, neither Charity nor Enoch were present.

After the presentation of the gifts, Enoch was brought in and hassled quite vigorously by the bride’s family. They wanted him to pay more money for Charity and to the mother and father. While it was done mostly in jest, there was a definite dark undercurrent in the room.

Eventually Charity was brought out, and took her seat next to Enoch. The pastor gave another enlightening (and long winded) prayer.

That's Charity in the middle with the long hair.

Each were asked, by the pastor, if the other person was the one they wanted to marry, and in typical quiet Ghanaian fashion…I think they both said, “yes.”

Once they established their willingness to get married, Enoch placed the ring on Charity’s finger. They stood up….here it comes….another prayer. Yes, Jesus. Amen. Hallelujia. I think there might have been a song sung at this point. Dave and I, of course, were the only ones who didn’t know the words. Michael was singing at the top of his lungs next to me, stomping his feet, and clapping his hands.

One representative from each side of the family got up and gave advice to the couple. Enoch’s mother and father did not attend the ceremony. His Aunt acted as a representative for his mother, and his cousin….Arnold Schwarzenegger….acted in place of his father. Yes…Arnold Schwarzenegger is alive and well in Mepe, Ghana. Charity told me that his real name is Arnold, and he just added Schwarzenegger. It was obvious that everyone there is well aware of who the real Arnold is. The guy was well dressed and word sunglasses the entire time (indoors). Anyway, Arnold stood up and provided a small piece of advice for the couple, after handing the mother more money.

Dave and I heard from numerous Ghanaians that we were not expected to take a gift to the engagement party. Rather, guests are given a gift from the bride and groom. I felt awkward, and so I had the gift in my purse….just in case. But, sure enough, during the ceremony a couple of Charity’s sisters started handing out the gifts. Everyone in attendance received a bright orange plastic bowl. It’s perfect for my popcorn!

After one more prayer, the ceremony was over. In the eyes of the families, Charity and Enoch were married. They can now live together as a couple. Weddings basically make the union legal. Some couples choose to do this privately, while others hold a second, and equally large, event.

Here we are with the happy couple...at least Charity looks happy!

We took a few pictures in the house before heading down the street to the location of the reception. As you will no doubt notice, we were the only obrunis (white people) at the party. In fact, I’m pretty sure we were the only obrunis in the entire town of Mepe! We were well treated, and many people wanted to take their picture with us. I actually find this quite common when I’m at a gathering of Ghanaians.

As we entered the reception, we were both overwhelmed (but not surprised) by the loud nature of the music. Ghanaians LOVE to listen to their music loudly. We saw the bar, and began to make our way towards it. Ebeneezer, however, cut us off and insisted that we sit down. Drinks would be brought to us. Keep in mind that we had left our house at 7:30 a.m., and other than a bowl of cereal and one bottle of water, had not eaten or drank anything. It was now 3 p.m.

About 20 minutes later, Enoch and Charity made their appearance. Charity had changed her clothes and was wearing an enormous hat. I almost didn’t recognize her!

She was so concerned that we hadn’t eaten, and I told her we would follow her, which we did. Our choices for lunch were 1) rice, 2) a different kind of rice, 3) rice and beans, and 4) chicken. So, we ate rice and chicken. It tasted fine, although I could barely saw through the skin of the chicken. I chalk that up to overcooking, After all, the cook probably understood that prompt meant prompt!

We were seated right next to the bride and groom’s table, although we were uncomfortable doing so. They wanted us to sit directly behind them, along with the parents, but we gently refused and said this was about Charity and her family, not us.

After we ate, we got the distinct impression that people were waiting for us to leave. We had a two hour car ride ahead of us, so I told Dave I was going to use the restroom facilities, which were around the corner. It only took me a glance to decide that there was no way in hell I was going to pee in Mepe; at least not in this “facility.” The bathroom was basically a 2’ x 2’ enclosure with a bit of a drop off at the back (like a baby step). There was no drain….anywhere. No toilet, for that matter. I guess women just squat and pee, like they would in the bush. And, as you can imagine, it stunk to high heaven! We stopped at the beautiful Joy Beach Resort on our way out of town.

About an hour into our trip back home, I began to feel nauseous. By the time I got home, I was full blown sick. I chalk it up to the food. While it tasted ok, I think the combination of the food sitting out for so long and the fact that Ghanaians cook their food in very heavy palm oil, just didn’t sit right with me. Dave eats that stuff every day for lunch at the Newmont mess hall. His gut is used to it!

Dave and I have now attended a funeral and an engagement and have felt honored to have been invited. I’ll leave the food at the door next time!